someplace serendipitous

Poor February. So many people dislike it because it tends to be a cold and grey month, but I happen to love February for a number of reasons. Valentine’s Day has always been one of them. I recall it being a very special holiday long before I understood anything about love. I have such fond memories of decorating shoeboxes with pink and red construction paper back when I was in gradeschool. We’d place them on our desks and then mill about the room delivering valentines to one another. It was such innocent fun. Then there were the conversation hearts that my mom used to buy us. I still have a soft spot (and a sweet tooth) for them. It was tough to save one for this photograph, in fact! February is also a double birthday month in our household. My birthday happens to fall a few days before the fourteenth, so I get extra spoiled by my sweetheart. Plus, our daughter’s birthday is at the end of the month. We are celebrating her first this year, and it is going to be quite a party!

Well, I’m a few days late, but I couldn’t really do a mosaic until the month of January was officially over, now could I? The Monthly Mosaic color for January was dark red, with the theme of health and committment. It turns out I had four photos for the mosaic without even planning it. I took the pomegranate photo on New Year’s Day. I always broke one open when I lived in Greece to usher in a prosperous year. While I no longer live there, it is still a fun and tasty tradition. My word for 2012 is COMMIT, which couldn’t have been more appopriate for this challenge! The barn photo is one that I processed with the intention of depicting the place a witch might live. It signifies imagination for me; something vital to my health and happiness. The umbrella photo is what I used in the inaugural post of the new photo collaboration with Vivienne McMaster and Deb Taylor over at She is Three. The final photo shows rose hips I saw on one of my walks. It is essential for me to have time to wander in the woods and reconnect with nature.

Since the start of the new year, I’ve been participating in Urban Muser’s {In the Picture} self-portrait photo adventure. The January theme was “Pieces of me,” which led me on a much different path than I planned to take. I thought I would snap a few intentional and anonymous shots of my hands or my feet. While I did take one planned photo (that was featured on her blog!), the rest were entirely spontaneous. I ended up capturing serendipitous moments with my daughter that I know I will want to remember forever: the first time she fell asleep on my chest after feeding, the infamous face chomp, holding her foot in my hand as the afternoon sunlight streamed in (above), and reading one of her board books together. It is only in the last month or so that I have begun to get some rest and let my heart melt more deeply into motherhood. She is the greatest piece of me that exists.  I’m grateful for the sweet moments that we have shared, and the camera that helped me preserve them.

My mom would have turned seventy today. I wonder how she would have looked. Would her hair still be red? Would she have any new laugh lines around her eyes? I bet she probably wouldn’t appear all that different than the last time I saw her. She was always so young at heart, and never looked or acted her age. I’m past the shock and disbelief that she was taken in an instant. I no longer have to stop myself from dialing her phone number. I’ve accepted her death. I’ve moved beyond the anger as well, but there will always be a void in my heart and tears that well up in my eyes. Daughters need their mothers, no matter how old they are. I’m sad that she wasn’t here to witness some of the most important moments in my life thus far. She would have been cheering; always my biggest fan. Now that I have a daughter, I understand that love.
I miss you, Mom. Happy Birthday.
P.S. There wasn’t any cake in the house, but I ate some potato chips for you today.

One of my creative dreams has been to do photo collaborations with inspiring women artists whom I respect and admire. Through the You are Your Own Muse workshops, I met two such women. I am so excited that the lovely Vivienne McMaster and the amazing Deb Taylor are joining me at She is Three, where we will post monthly triptychs.  We set out on the new journey together today, and I’m thrilled for what the future holds.

It was a green and gentle winter…until Friday the 13th. That’s when the first storm blew in and our driveway became impassable. Someday we’ll look back on this past weekend and laugh, but not quite yet. There was a stuck car, a stuck tractor, tow trucks, another stuck car, and some very kindhearted neighbors. Then the car got stuck a third time. Did I mention the broken mirror, broken plow, and broken bumper? I won’t soon forget the mammoth snow drift that became Anthony’s nemesis, nor the damages it caused. Last night, another batch of winter weather arrived. The winds that howled were almost unbelievable. I could actually see the windows moving. We hunkered down and thankfully woke up to a calm and beautiful snowfall this morning. I managed to snap this shot in between the two storms. How I love the vibrancy and warmth of red rose hips in the snow.

As I shared in my final post of 2011, my word of the year for 2012 is COMMIT. What exactly am I committing to? It’s hard to define, though I can say I feel a need to commit to the creative forces in my life. Those forces include people as well as ideas. I’m committing to my daughter and her father, but I’m also committing to myself and my artistic interests. Since becoming a parent, I’ve learned that old plans and schedules just don’t work anymore. Timelines are constantly shifting. I need more time to accomplish any task now, be it big or small. I also need to catch up on a lot of lost sleep. As I navigate the new territory of motherhood, I’m being challenged and rewarded at the same time. It’s hard but it’s beautiful. I am most definitely committing to my creative pursuits and connections in 2012 as well. It will be a challenge and a balancing act, but I’m excited for the coming year to unfold.

I never consciously chose a word for 2011, but as I look back, I realize that a word chose me this year. EXPAND. I expanded my horizons on just about every front I can think of. It was a year of pregnancy, childbirth, house buying, moving, writing, photographing, uncloaking, making new connections, functioning as new parents, and much more. And it was all done on very little sleep. Each time I thought I couldn’t possibly handle another challenge or another big bill, more came along. But we mananged, we learned, and we have a sweet little girl in our lives.

Just last night, my word for 2012 came to me. COMMIT. It is a big word for big year ahead. More on that in the New Year!

I can hardly believe it is the first of December already. It feels like the calendar pages are literally turning themselves. The last couple weeks have been busier than I expected, and Baby V has had one heck of a growth spurt. Today the three of us ventured out to a local farm market to buy our family Christmas tree. It makes me so sad to see cut trees, though. I wish everyone would buy potted trees. We got a Douglas Fir that we will plant in the ground after the holidays. Loading it into the car was rather complicated and messy (good thing we drove two cars!), but all is well now. Getting it into the house will be another story…

Wherever you are, breathe in some of the beauty around you today.