someplace serendipitous

In my previous post I wrote about how much I love February, but it has been a tough month nonetheless. Each day I learn something new about being a parent and being a partner. Just when I think things are calming down, everything changes again. Our little girl is growing so fast! I’m still having trouble believing that she is almost one. This time last year I was waddling to doctor’s appointments two and three times a week, swollen beyond recognition. I had developed pre-eclampsia and would eventually have to be induced. Despite the toll it took on me, I’d do it all again in a heartbeat. Each morning when either Anthony or I lift Baby V out of her crib, she giggles and squeals, so excited to start a new day. Then we walk over to the window so she can look outside for deer. Sometimes she spots one grazing in the yard and points to it, smiling and muttering excitedly. When I went for a morning walk on Valentine’s Day, I discovered that deer hoof prints look like hearts in the melting snow. Here is closeup of one of them for the 52 Photos Project.
P.S. Be sure to check out the new post today over at She is Three.  In addition to posting our monthly triptych, the three of us will be writing about the heartfelt stories behind our photos. This month, Vivienne will share hers on the 24th, I’ll share mine on the 26th, and Deb will share hers on the 28th!

Poor February. So many people dislike it because it tends to be a cold and grey month, but I happen to love February for a number of reasons. Valentine’s Day has always been one of them. I recall it being a very special holiday long before I understood anything about love. I have such fond memories of decorating shoeboxes with pink and red construction paper back when I was in gradeschool. We’d place them on our desks and then mill about the room delivering valentines to one another. It was such innocent fun. Then there were the conversation hearts that my mom used to buy us. I still have a soft spot (and a sweet tooth) for them. It was tough to save one for this photograph, in fact! February is also a double birthday month in our household. My birthday happens to fall a few days before the fourteenth, so I get extra spoiled by my sweetheart. Plus, our daughter’s birthday is at the end of the month. We are celebrating her first this year, and it is going to be quite a party!

Well, I’m a few days late, but I couldn’t really do a mosaic until the month of January was officially over, now could I? The Monthly Mosaic color for January was dark red, with the theme of health and committment. It turns out I had four photos for the mosaic without even planning it. I took the pomegranate photo on New Year’s Day. I always broke one open when I lived in Greece to usher in a prosperous year. While I no longer live there, it is still a fun and tasty tradition. My word for 2012 is COMMIT, which couldn’t have been more appopriate for this challenge! The barn photo is one that I processed with the intention of depicting the place a witch might live. It signifies imagination for me; something vital to my health and happiness. The umbrella photo is what I used in the inaugural post of the new photo collaboration with Vivienne McMaster and Deb Taylor over at She is Three. The final photo shows rose hips I saw on one of my walks. It is essential for me to have time to wander in the woods and reconnect with nature.

Since the start of the new year, I’ve been participating in Urban Muser’s {In the Picture} self-portrait photo adventure. The January theme was “Pieces of me,” which led me on a much different path than I planned to take. I thought I would snap a few intentional and anonymous shots of my hands or my feet. While I did take one planned photo (that was featured on her blog!), the rest were entirely spontaneous. I ended up capturing serendipitous moments with my daughter that I know I will want to remember forever: the first time she fell asleep on my chest after feeding, the infamous face chomp, holding her foot in my hand as the afternoon sunlight streamed in (above), and reading one of her board books together. It is only in the last month or so that I have begun to get some rest and let my heart melt more deeply into motherhood. She is the greatest piece of me that exists.  I’m grateful for the sweet moments that we have shared, and the camera that helped me preserve them.

My mom would have turned seventy today. I wonder how she would have looked. Would her hair still be red? Would she have any new laugh lines around her eyes? I bet she probably wouldn’t appear all that different than the last time I saw her. She was always so young at heart, and never looked or acted her age. I’m past the shock and disbelief that she was taken in an instant. I no longer have to stop myself from dialing her phone number. I’ve accepted her death. I’ve moved beyond the anger as well, but there will always be a void in my heart and tears that well up in my eyes. Daughters need their mothers, no matter how old they are. I’m sad that she wasn’t here to witness some of the most important moments in my life thus far. She would have been cheering; always my biggest fan. Now that I have a daughter, I understand that love.
I miss you, Mom. Happy Birthday.
P.S. There wasn’t any cake in the house, but I ate some potato chips for you today.

One of my creative dreams has been to do photo collaborations with inspiring women artists whom I respect and admire. Through the You are Your Own Muse workshops, I met two such women. I am so excited that the lovely Vivienne McMaster and the amazing Deb Taylor are joining me at She is Three, where we will post monthly triptychs.  We set out on the new journey together today, and I’m thrilled for what the future holds.