Birthdays always bring me back

Mommy I want you to make me feel better

I’ve been away again. Somehow I always end up wandering off from this personal space of mine. I suppose that’s what mamas do from time to time. Life is happening so fast. Most days I’m simply keeping up…and yet there’s no keeping up with an infant and a toddler. They’re growing and changing quicker than I can fathom. Almost every night I fall asleep with a mental list of family moments to remember, emails to answer, bills to pay, photos to upload and ideas to write down. But sleep inevitably takes me. As it should at this stage. I’m learning to let motherhood guide my course. I’m taking note of the now as best I can.

Though I should be sleeping, I can’t let January end without writing here just once. I had planned to post on the twenty-eighth, in honor of my mom’s birthday. Her birthday has a way of bringing me back here…back to the creative part of myself. It’s something I know she understood. She would have been seventy-two this year. Hard to imagine since she always seemed so young. In my mind, she hovers somewhere around forty, and yet I’m forty now.

My plan to post on the twenty-eighth was sidetracked, but for good reason. This week my daughter came down with a cold. “Mommy, I want you to make me feel better,” she said. Her little voice took me back to my own childhood, back to a time when my mom could make everything better. When I felt sick, a cup of ginger ale and the twinkle in her eye worked wonders somehow. Now I’m the mommy. I keep having to remind myself of that. So often I feel like I’m doing it wrong. I feel like I’m not capable of being as good a mommy as my mom was, probably because part of me is still a little girl inside. But I’m here, and I’m doing it. I helped my daughter put on her leotard with the pink skirt and her fuzzy polka-dotted slippers and we sat on the kitchen floor eating graham crackers together. Her nose was still stuffy afterwards, but on some level I know she felt better. So did I.

Wildflowers on my walks

Chicory
Seeing softness
Wild
Oh my, it’s been a while again.  The last time I posted here, I didn’t even know that we are having a boy this time.  Yes, a boy!  At first I was surprised and speechless.  Now I’m so amazed and excited that I wonder how I’ll ever wait three more months to meet him.  The time is flying, though, it really is.  It’s been a very hot and busy summer here.  One thing that I can always count on, even in this heat, is a nice morning walk.  (This week’s prompt was perfect!)  The wildflowers along the way never cease to inspire me.  Here is a little glimpse…

Blue or pink, what do you think?

Blue or pink, what do you think?
Big things are happening today.  This morning we’re headed out for our 20-week anatomical ultrasound.  Soon we’ll know if Tiny Baby is a boy or a girl, and our two-year-old will learn if a baby brother or sister is coming to join her.  In some ways it feels like I’ve been waiting forever to find out.  In other ways, I can hardly believe the time has come already.  Sometimes it still amazes me that we’ll be a family of four in October.  Above all, we just want the baby to be healthy.  After our appointment, we’re heading straight to our favorite Thai restaurant for some celebratory vegetarian pad thai!

The world in a water droplet

The world in a water droplet
I actually managed to play along at 52 Photos Project this week (yay!), where the prompt was water drops.  The weather here has been very timely. We’ve had a whole lot of rain, and I went on some wet but very refreshing nature walks. It’s pouring right now, in fact.  On Friday I stopped to admire and photograph these wildflowers along the side of the road. It felt so good to simply be in the moment and absorb their beauty. When I went back through my photos that afternoon, I realized that the reflections of clouds and branches from above made this tiny rain drop resemble the world. Somehow that reminded me to try and keep life simple, rather than overcomplicate it as I tend to do…

Holding on, hanging in, moving forward

Holding on
Hello friends, it’s been a long while.  I suppose I was stuck under those dark skies I posted about the last time I was here.  Somehow it’s mid-May already.  Well, I haven’t been absent altogether…just a bit quiet here on my personal blog.  There has been a whole lot going on.  I shared some big news at She is Three, but never managed to write about it here!  We’re expecting our second baby in October!  I have been sick, sick, sick, but I think the worst is over now, thank goodness.  Even when life is difficult and uncomfortable, there are still so many things to celebrate.  Beautiful weather is here and I’m sharing the story behind my photo of the May triptych at She is Three today, where this month’s theme happens to be “She celebrated.” 

In other news, Makings of Motherhood is growing into a lovely community of women.  In April, we reflected on the concept of self-care.  That was a hard post for me to write, by the way.  This month we’re sharing our childrens’ experiences with food.  I’m very proud to be in charge of two collaborative blogs with such creative women.  By all means, do come visit us.  I have trouble keeping up with blogs unless I am able to subscribe to them, so there is an option to subscribe to posts via email on both sites (as well as this one)!

Good-bye February sky

I spy a sliver of February sky
I’m feeling under the weather in more ways than one, and I was really looking forward to turning the calendar page today. Making it to March seems like spring is just around the corner, or at least that’s what I’m telling myself. The weather has been so dreary, and I’m itching for some fresh air! I took this photo in mid-February, when the sky was awfully dark and foreboding. Surely March will have some brighter skies in store. Today looked like another February day, but I’m hoping the weather will take a turn for the better soon!

Two years ago today

Dancing in the light
Ballerina banner and sunshine
Homemade birthday cupcakes
Two years ago today, we welcomed our baby girl into this world…and now Baby V isn’t a baby anymore!  She’s a sweet and polite little toddler who loves books, dresses, shoes and accessories.  There are many delightful details that I want to remember about today.  One is the fact that the sun shone ever so brightly, breaking our stretch of gloomy weather. V had the loveliest time admiring these ballerina decorations I put up for her party, exclaiming, “Pretty ballerina! Pretty ballerina!”  She even helped me bake one of the batches of vegan orange cupcakes (which were a big hit, by the way!).  Dada cooked a delicious vegetarian dinner which included some of her favorites: chick peas, olives, tomatoes, pasta, and a tiny loaf of bread that they made together.  Our guests have since headed home and I’m ready for bed, but I didn’t want to fall asleep without this one last chance to celebrate V’s birthday.  She is the best gift we’ve ever received.

Harmony and entropy

Color is one key to harmony
The law of entropy
The prompt at 52 Photos Project this week is Harmony.  As I was playing with my daughter this afternoon, I decided to borrow a few of her crayons and snap a quick iPhone photo or two.  I started out with the crayons all lined up nicely.  I crave order, but I’ll be honest, I’m not very good at maintaining it around here.  It seems like there is a new mess or another pile of laundry to wash or fold every time I blink!  After I took a couple quick photos (and I do mean quick…toddler hands are fast!), my daughter decided that she didn’t like me messing with her crayons.  As it turns out, what she really wanted to do was play along with me…and make a grab for my key!  In the end, the law of entropy won once again, but at least we had some fun in the process!

Hello love

Hello love
Happy Belated Valentine’s Day!  I hope you had a delightful one.  Despite the long, dark days of winter, February has been full of fun surprises around here.  We are now in our second year at the self-portrait collaborative She is Three, and earlier this month, we were featured in a post at Mortal Muses!  You can read the aticle here.  Then, on February 10th, I turned 40!  My husband orchestrated a lovely surprise get-together that I never even suspected.  Long ago, I imagined I would feel old when I turned 40, but that isn’t the case at all.  I’m just now getting to know myself.  I know that art makes me happier than academics ever did.  I know that being a mother is a beautiful gift, even during the most challenging moments.  I know that sometimes love isn’t easy, but it always wins.  You just have to open the door and let it in. When I took this photo of our front door, I couldn’t help but be reminded…